anderstan: anderstan: anderstan: i just opened a bottle of cock and it exploded all over me and my laptop hahahajljl4kr3kjehfd COKE STOP REBLOGGING THIS BEFORE I EAT ALL OF YOU
mycroft: behind every great man is me checkin out dat ass
wizcoylifa: “wanna see my rock collection?” i open my closet and several clones of dwayne johnson come running out. i hand my friend the extra tranquilizer gun under my bed, “the hunt is on”.
Doctor: Are you sexually active?
Me: Laughs hysterically, makes pterodactyl noise, transforms into a potato and rolls out the door and away into the sunset
teapayne: how scary would It be if you lean your head back to stretch and a pez pops out of your neck
lampsarepeopletoo: iphone420: how do i get hot step 1: preheat oven to 400 degrees step 2: get inside oven
izzichi: tltty: #hashtag? I prefer #hashbrown I prefer #hashslingingslasher
twelvefootmountaintroll: i’m gonna name my firstborn “arial” and people will be like “oh like the mermaid” and i’ll say “no like the font”
klainebutts: I think losing followers is worth it, cause it means you’ve weeded out the weaklings and you’re just left with the rad fuckers who actually want to put up with your shit.
You think cocaine is addictive? Have you heard of...
kushandcake: You know what is more addicting than tumblr?
if i was a doctor
hot guy: i sprained my wrist
me: okay take off your underwear
A fact to make you feel old: Monsters Inc. was released 11 years ago.
tupacabra: when in doubt, pinky out